Sitting in the crowded train all I could see was my tainted reflection. My fascination for the sky longed to see the night’s velvety black carpet slowly creep over the dark blue yonder to shower it with tiny twinkling dots. But, I couldn’t see it. The harsh white fluorescent light washed the outside scenery leaving me with nothing more than a faded image of aging self.
I stared, peering deeply into my own dark brown eyes and, I saw my grandmother. My sister had driven me to her grave which proudly overlooked the undulating green sugar plantations I had grown up with. I entered the cemetery, sat on the dirt ground, lit a single white candle and placed it on her grave. I began talking to my granny, telling her tales of my happy misadventures and all the things I still dreamed of doing. We laughed, she scolded me for my foul language as she always did and then we laughed again. She was ubiquitous. Her spirit embraced me. I was happy.
Time passed. I reluctantly told her it was time for me to go. I then lit another white candle and placed it on my grandfather’s bed, wishing him a good night’s sleep. I wiped my tears and told her I loved her. She whispered, “I love you too, my grandson. Now, let go.”
The day before my grandmother died she wanted to speak to with me. I told her, “I’m too busy granny. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Tomorrow never came. It has been incontrovertibly the biggest regret of my life. I have unsuccessfully tried to will myself to change that day but I can’t. I never will be able to.
As I continued to gazed into my melancholy eyes, reminiscing about my oeuvre, I realized that I needed to gracefully let go of the past, finally free myself from all my regrets and embrace the truth I have lived.
For in the end only three things matter (a Buddhist saying)-
1. How gently you lived,
2. How genuinely you loved,
3. And, how gracefully you let go of things that we never meant for you.
Jenson recommends: Letting go of all your regrets, reveling in the happiness of your present and telling everyone you love that you do. Carpe diem.
*I love you mom, dad, Jenelle, all my family and friends. =)