Breathe, Jenson, breathe.
I always thought at this age I’d be driving a black convertible Mercedes Benz, pulling into the spacious garage of my grand yet tastefully designed six bedroom house (one room for the maid), to greet my devastatingly beautiful wife, a former Miss World of course, and my two children, Zachery, top student and star of the soccer team, and Chloe, a mirror image of her mother and equally as bright as her brother.
We’d then have a filet mignon dinner punctuated by a sinful pear rosemary crème brûlée in our Ralph Lauren inspired dinning room, discussing the elusive Andy Warhol painting I had just bought at an auction, followed by a civilised conversation about Egypt, post-Mubarak regime.
I blink, and in that one flash, I am brought back to a sobering truth, faced by the overwhelming realities of a seemingly underwhelming present.
My only mode of transport is a four year old bike with a broken basket and missing lights. The only art on my walls are pictures from old calenders and post cards from friends, family and myself; a hardly ever used dinning table made of, dare I say it, ply wood and a stuffed white seal on my bed named, Juanita.
I panic and blankly ask myself, “Am I living the life I thought I would?”
The answer is a simple and unashamedly honest, no.
I am not who I am; not who I thought I’d be. I am certainly not doing what I’d thought I’d be doing and definitely not where I thought I’d be.
I am happy. But, why is my happiness laced with unhappiness and thoughts of failure?
Society sometimes places these unattainable expectations on us, even before we are born that weighs us down so heavily that all we see is the road we walk on but never the stunning views that lie straight head.
Maybe it is only today I am feeling like this, and perhaps tomorrow or maybe even the day after and the one after that but I have realised that in order to achieve happiness, the utopia type of happiness, we need to slowly let go of the expectations others have for us and embrace only the ones we have of ourselves.
American writer, Joseph Campbell said it best I reckon, “We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
I guess that’s where the greatest happiness lies, in the little serendipitous surprises that just unexpectedly happen as we maneuver our way through this crazy life.
My name is Jenson Deokiesingh and the only expectations I have are the ones I have set for myself.
Jenson recommends: Living life to the fullest with the expectations you have carved for yourself. =)